Hi Matt, I crossdressed for almost 30 years, finally having surgery ( 2008 ) to become the woman i was told I could be. After surgery and now having been baptized (2010) as Stephanie, God started showing me in dreams that I was caught up in an addiction that had plagued me for decades.
I believed i was a woman, had support from a leading hospital in London and my past was filled with parents and friends saying I should have been a girl. Soon after I got baptized God started speaking to me, using my male name which i had not used for over seven years. Random people called me Steve that didn't know me and finally God spoke to me as clear as day, saying "Why are you ignoring me?"
I was up looking everywhere for this voice, in cupboards, the bathroom down the hall, even under the bed. I thought I was going mad. I had a good friend who follows Jesus and said maybe this was God . To cut a long story short, I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized what I had done to myself, I begged God to end my life.
How could I go on being this "woman" when i was a man. However I had now had surgery, so how could I be a man again? I went to Hell and back, planned suicide, saw demons, my friend spent over 200 hrs on her mobile phone praying and asking me to keep talking to Jesus. I spent three days on my bedroom floor crying out to God, what had I done, how was this ever going to be able to be put right. I now know God has a plan for my life. To somehow get my testimony out there and speak to trans people and anyone who will listen so that they can have the truth in their lives like I have . So many trans people commit suicide after they have had surgery we have to find a way to stop the growing number of surgeries taking place and men and women being deceived by being told that God made a mistake when he made them, God no way makes mistakes, and while i can't do that I know a man who can -- Jesus! He can touch people's lives and change them like he has done with me. So I feel it's time to start sharing this. God has given me a new lease on life. I am trying to become the man he created. Psalm 139 says it all to me. He knew me even before I was made and wonderfully made as well. I pray that by sharing this God will use me to speak to people showing them from my own experiences that there is life even after surgery as a man. Thank you for reading this Steve Clarke.